Arthur's Tiny Christmas
by Poopscicle
Summary: Arthur's Christmas is much more unsanitary than he expected.


Arthur's Tiny Christmas

Author's note: We suggest reading the 2 parts of Arthur's Party Disaster and watching Arthur's Perfect Christmas on YouTube before reading this. You'll still understand the story if you don't, but it'll be better if you do. P.S. Say _Irish Wristwatch_. We dare ya.

The living room was in tatters and there was a clup of senile on the carpet, as Arthur finished up with Rory, his uncle's dog.  
"Thanks Rory. I needed that." Arthur said as he patted Rory on the rump. He has just lost his virginity to the dog and was proud of it. Rory was panting heavily as he lay spent on the carpet. Grandma Thora crept in silently, not noticing Arthur on all fours romping around Rory.

She sighed. "Senile on the carpet. I guess no one wants it." She took her handy spork out of her pocket and slowly but surely began to gulp the gummy stuff off of the carpet.

"Arthur! Mom!" Mr. Read shrilly yelled, "Come into the kitchen! We have to discuss the meal!" Arthur's dad had just been to the vet and had his cone and stitches removed, despite the fact he was still missing 1-½ testicles and that they occasionally fell off, he was in a good mood.  
Once everyone was in the kitchen, Arthur's dad explained his master plan.  
"This Christmas I've decided that we should have the traditional meal that they may have had in Bethlehem." He paused for dramatic effect. "We're going to be having camel feces with a side of burnt hay and cow pie for desert." Everyone except Arthur seemed to think that this was a good idea. Arthur made that whiney noise that only aardvarks can make as he said  
"But I wanted parsley!"  
"Sorry Arthur, but in these troubling economic times we just can't afford that." Dad said.  
Arthur quickly became angry and shriveled "_I can smell your cunt!!"  
_"Don't you be going all Multiple Miggs on me!" Arthur's mom shriveled back "And besides, is that parsley in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" She said this last part surprisingly seductively and the whole family laughed at Arthur's not-so-obvious arousal.  
"I can't help it!" sniveled Arthur as he timidly ran to his room.

DW quickly followed him waving a pen and paper in her hand as she yelled  
"Arthuuuuuuurrrrrr! You have to help me write my Christmas list! It's not like I'm four and should already know how to read and write or anything!! I want Tina the Talking Tampon for Christmas!!!! It's really important that I get it now!" she called in her insanely high-pitched squeal. Arthur could not understand this as 2nd graders do not take FLE and kindergartners do. DW stood quivering at the bottom of the stairs. She would explode if she did not get Tina the Talking Tampon soon. It would not be pretty.

_The Next Morning_

Arthur woke up, full of Christmas spirit…and urine. He jimmied the bathroom door open as he mashed his eyelids together rapidly. He dramatically lifted up the toilet seat and unzipped his pants. Meanwhile, DW had also awoken full of even more Christmas spirit and urine than Arthur had. After kicking Pal down the stairs, as was her holiday tradition, she raced to the bathroom and blew the door down with a gust of unsanitary wind. Unfortunately, Arthur had just begun his morning pee ritual. If undisturbed, he could go on with it for a good half hour. DW stared in horror as Arthur's manhood was on full display. Suddenly, as if previously planned, the entire Read family popped out of nowhere and burst into song, pointing and dancing as they sang to the tune of Tina the Talking Tampon:

"_TINY TINY TINY PENIS! TINY TINY TINY PENIS!!"_

He stood mortified as his family taunted his least noticeable feature.

Arthur scurried out of the bathroom, his manhood agape, as his family continued, gaily singing their song. He pulled out his miniature Swiss army knife, which was still bigger than his manhood, but it would have to do. The knife was poised over his "small potatoes" as he squinted to take a last look. He was following his father's footsteps.

Nob

(This means cliffhanger)


End file.
